


got love in my veins, my heart in my arms

by shell-heads (chocopies)



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, the death is neither steve nor tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-23 21:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13796910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocopies/pseuds/shell-heads
Summary: It takes people by surprise sometimes, when they see how much Tony and Steve care for each other; or rather, they’re more surprised by how clearly Tony cares for Steve. Most people expect him to be a terrible boyfriend: perpetually late, arrogant, rude, intimidatingly intelligent and belligerent-but then again, none of them know the real Tony Stark.They don’t know the Tony who struggles everyday to reach an impossible standard he imposes on himself, the Tony that volunteers at hospitals not because of Bruce but because he never wants a child to feel scared and alone if he can help it, the Tony that started creating his own patents to raise money for his mother’s charity foundation at the tender age of fourteen-the Tony who’s a better person than anyone Steve has ever met, and makes everything in the world so much brighter and more beautiful.Steve-Steve doesn't have a lot in life anymore, with Bucky and Sam overseas and his ma gone, but there's nothing he could ever ask for that'd mean more than Tony.





	got love in my veins, my heart in my arms

**Author's Note:**

> my fill for the cap-ironman alphabet challenge's letter 'L': "loving is you is all of me". 
> 
> the implied character death is sarah, and is in no way explicit or mentioned in more than passing. this is a college au that could?? be considered avac, with Steve as captain of the school football team and having recently lost his mother; it's more fluff and wistful nostalgia than any form of angst!

“Hey, ma,” Steve says as he lays down a bouquet of tulips, brushing dirt off the headstone and smiling gently. “Sorry it’s been so long.”

There is no reply; he doesn’t expect one.

He sets himself down on the floor, legs crossed, and starts clearing the area around her grave of fallen leaves and the shifting the flowers so they’re in the middle of her plot.

“A lot’s happened since the last time I came to talk,” Steve begins, his smile already tugging itself wider at where his thoughts turn. “You’d probably wanna hear about how I started dating Tony first, though.”

If his mom were alive, Steve knows she’d have smacked him with a towel for the sudden announcement before laying a big kiss to his head in pride and genuine delight. He grins bashfully and ducks his head at the image, playing with a piece of grass in front of him.

“I _know_ , I know, it’s a hell of a thing to start with,” he laughs, a flush creeping up his cheeks out of embarrassment. “Took me long enough though, right? Shoulda listened to you earlier, probably. Just didn’t think you were right about him liking me back-real stupid of me, when you’ve never been wrong before.”

A laugh in his mind’s eye, the memory of his cheeks being pinched affectionately.

“Anyways, I finally pulled myself together and asked him out around a month ago,” Steve continues. “I never said how hard I was taking it, but somehow he knew anyways-made sure I wasn’t lonely, that I was eating and getting time to myself, called up Bucky and had him remind me I’m not alone. I don’t know what I would have done if he wasn’t here, ma, no kidding. Our game with Sword came up a week ago, and I was so worried I’d be useless because I hadn’t been practicing, and the first thing I see when we walk out on the field is this sign huge as hell with my name on it.”

It’d been ridiculously large, honestly, blue and red and covered in flashing lights. Clint had laughed until he was gasping for breath when he saw it, throwing a thumbs up to a smug and brightly smiling Tony.

“It had _lights,_ ma,” Steve faux-groans despite the obvious smile on his face, shaking his head in memory. “And I can’t tell you what the hell it was about the sign that did it, but it made me want to win that game no matter what, hell or high water. When we won…I was so exhausted I couldn’t even feel my legs, but I turned around, and he was right there in front of me with this big smile like he’d never thought for a second I wouldn’t be able to do it. I looked at him in the middle of that huge field, smiling and gorgeous and the best thing to ever happen to me, and I thought about how you always told me I need to stop waiting so long for the things I want.”

A sudden pang of nostalgia, the fond lilt to his ma’s words as she repeated the words for the thousandth time-his first day of highschool, the day she met Tony, over breakfast every other month, in her last moments as she held his hand. She kept telling him, over and over again, that the only way to get something you want is to stop wanting and start moving for it.

“So I stopped waiting,” he tells her with a thick voice, clearing his throat. “I walked straight to him, picked him up, and kissed him. Hoped beyond belief that he wanted me too, and right in front of the entire damn school, he kissed me back.”

Laughing, he feels his heart balloon at the memory of Tony in his arms, cheeks red and face glowing as he kissed Steve; at least five different people had cheered, Tony’s laughing lips pressed against his as Jan screamed with excitement in the background. That single moment is forever framed in Steve's mind, the feeling akin to coming out of the cold and being enveloped with a heat that settles down into your very _marrow_ to chase out all the marks frostbite and a harsh winter have left on you, a heat that winds its way through your blood and leaves it ablaze with unconditional love and support; it's the first memory Steve's ever had where it felt like all the stars in his world had lined up to cast off the shadows of his days and change something in his life, the turn of fate's handle that said his life would never be the same anymore because it was going to be _better_ from now in a way he'd always wanted and never thought he'd be able to earn. 

“You’d have thought we’d gotten _married_ , the way people were reacting,” Steve huffs humorously, knowing he wouldn’t give up his friends for anything in the world. “I’m pretty sure Clint hates me for losing him a hundred bucks, though, which is downright foolish considering he’s the bum who bet that much money on someone else’s relationship.”

Quieter now, he fiddles with his jacket and looks to the sky, his heart painted with the many shades of faded, gently throbbing sorrow he carries with him every day.

“He wanted to come with me,” Steve sighs, his smile turning wistful. “Said that the least he could do after all the time you spent on him was come visit so you’re not lonely and know how I’m _really_ doing. I told him to come with me next time though-felt like I should come talk to you first before I throw in a big surprise like that.”

He sits there for a while longer, tells her more about what he’s been doing, how his classes are tough but manageable with enough coffee, how he’s been working out more to regain his schedule from before, how he’s hanging out with Sharon and Natasha more without being forced into it, how work is draining but not so bad when Tony pops up with a smile and warm muffins, how he misses her every day. He talks and talks and talks until his throat is dry enough to be sandpaper, and when he’s done, he brings out a star made out of gold foil from his pocket just like he has every April 15th and lays it down next to the flowers he brought earlier.

“See you soon, ma,” Steve murmurs, crouched in front of her grave. “Happy birthday.”

Standing up straight, he brushes himself off and looks back one last time before heading back home. It’s a long walk, but it helps him soothe his mind after such an emotional outpour. It’s the first time he’s visited after Tony convinced him it wasn’t healthy to be coming every day, and it feels draining in a good way to have come back and let everything out.

Steve’s ambling back onto campus in just under an hour, his feet automatically making for the science building to see Tony. He knows Tony’ll be at the courtyard right outside with Rhodey and Pepper and most probably Jan, wearing the letterman he stole from Steve and the beanie Mrs. Rhodes knitted that always makes him look vulnerably soft. It makes him ache to think of, a sweet burst of gold spotted with the white glows of desperate longing, and his feet become swifter without conscious thought to see Tony sooner.

It takes people by surprise sometimes, when they see how much Tony and Steve care for each other; or rather, they’re more surprised by how clearly _Tony_ cares for Steve. Most people expect him to be a terrible boyfriend: perpetually late, arrogant, rude, intimidatingly intelligent and belligerent-but then again, none of them know the _real_ Tony Stark.

They don’t know the Tony who struggles every day to reach an impossible standard he imposes on himself, the Tony that volunteers at hospitals not because of Bruce but because he never wants a child to feel scared and alone if he can help it, the Tony that started creating his own patents to raise money for his mother’s charity foundation at the tender age of fourteen-the Tony who’s a better person than anyone Steve has ever met, and makes everything in the world so much brighter and more beautiful.

Steve-Steve doesn't have a lot in life anymore, with Bucky and Sam overseas and his ma gone, but there's nothing he could ever ask for that'd mean more than Tony.

A sudden rush of emotion making his throat full, Steve rounds another corner and feels his breath hitch as he catches sight of Tony sitting on the far side of the courtyard, heart-warmingly soft with his dark curls escaping the red beanie on his head, almost swimming in Steve’s huge letterman. He stops in his tracks to watch Tony from the other side of the quad while his hands fist from the sudden craving to run through those curls and wrap around thick shoulders, his chest a warm tangle of green honeysuckle vines woven with radiant pink camellias and bluebells. Tony’s laughing, bending over himself on a bench as Rhodey cracks a joke and Pepper rolls her eyes fondly on the other end, and it makes bubbles light up inside his stomach, vibrant pops of luminescent color amongst all his yearning. He indulges himself by listening to Tony’s laugh and letting it settle into his bones, feeling his exhaustion dissipate like dust and smoke in the wind as he takes in Tony’s easy grin.

No matter what happens, what his day is like, seeing _Tony_ …it makes his chest melt into something tender and honey-like, amber-colored and slowly dripping with candied waves of drops on the worst days, makes his blood rush like a river and explode with fireworks of brilliant golds and reds on the best of days. There’s no problem that feels impossible with Tony by his side, no hurdle too big or burden too heavy. Steve looks at Tony and doesn’t see the shadow of wealth and spilled blood liberally dosed with arrogance that most people do, but the shining star of intelligence and hope hidden under fear, and he _knows_ he will never love anyone or anything in this world more than he does Tony Stark.

It should be scary to think that way when he only had his mom, Bucky, and a few bits of crayon and charcoal to care about growing up. It should make him wonder if he’s rushing into something he doesn’t understand, should make him pull back for a minute to try and figure out what this neverending, immense emotion means for him, but all it does is make him take a step forward instead.

One, two, three steps in, and then he’s jogging, unable to keep away from Tony any longer. As if he can tell what Steve’s thinking, Tony looks up and spots him halfway across the quad, a beam bursting across his face instantaneously.

“ _Steve_!” he cries out, jumping to his feet without a second thought. “You’re back!”

His hands reach out for Tony’s waist as soon as Steve’s in front of him, his chuckle a little breathless. Tony’s nose is pink from the cold, his cheeks more rosy from laughing so hard, and his beam is beautiful and fond and so much more brilliant than anything Steve has ever seen before.

“Hey there, fella,” Steve replies hoarsely as Tony wraps his arms around Steve’s neck, leaning up on his toes to kiss Steve. It’s a gentle kiss, a soft press of their lips that draws on like the stretch of sugary taffy, Tony’s lips still sweet from the coffee he must have drank earlier.

“Hey,” Tony murmurs back after the kiss, their lips brushing together. He smiles at Steve, flush against him with his arms loose around Steve’s neck and his cheeks colored red with joy, and Steve-

Steve pulls him in closer and squeezes, unable to believe he really gets to _have_ this, this amazing man who strives to change the world and make it a better place, who deserves so much more than Steve could ever give him, who stands by Steve’s side whenever he needs someone, and Steve never wants to let go.

A whistle from behind Tony pulls him out of his thoughts, turning to see Rhodey shaking his head dramatically in disapproval.

“Get a room,” Rhodey yells, Pepper smacking his shoulder lightly and laughing. “Some of us single folk don’t like watching the campus couple make doe-eyes at each other all day, y’know.”

“We’re the campus couple?” Steve asks at the same moment Tony yells back, "Some of you single folk wouldn’t be _single_ if you had the nerve to just ask a girl out-y’know, over _cheeseburgers_?”

Steve snorts, burying his face into Tony’s neck to laugh at his obvious jab towards Carol, Rhodey’s indignant shout followed by a paper ball thrown at Tony’s head.

“You’re only mad ‘cuz you know I’m right, loser,” Tony argues, cackling as his bag gets thrown at him next. “Thanks, honey bun! Love ya.”

“Go be gross somewhere else, asshole,” Rhodey scoffs in disgust, Pepper meeting Steve’s eyes over Tony’s shoulder and giggling silently.

“C’mon,” Steve finally says after he finishes snickering, pulling away from Tony to walk back to the dorms only for a tiny noise of surprise to escape him when Tony hooks him right back into their embrace.

“Um, excuse me?” Tony questions with a raised brow, tightening his arms around Steve’s neck. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Trying to get back to the dorms?” Steve hazards, agreeably placing his hands on Tony’s waist again.

“By letting _go_ of me?” Tony frowns, a furrow appearing between his brows and lips pouting slightly. “Yeah, no, that’s now how this works.”

“Oh, yeah?” Steve hums with a grin working its way across his face, threading his fingers together behind Tony’s back while his heart flares up and glows like a neon light as he’s filled with almost unbearable amounts of endearment.

“Yeah, you see, I’ve been missing my boyfriend lately because he’s been too busy being a good student for god knows what reasons, and when I asked if I was going to see him today, I got a really vague answer that _could_ mean yes or _could_ mean no,” Tony explains, throwing Steve a sharp look as his grin widens. “And since I really wanted to see him today to see how he’s doing because it’s his mom’s birthday, I think I deserve to be hugged the entire way back to the dorms. It’s only a ten minute walk-it’s not that big of a deal, after all.”

“Just like this?” Steve asks him, voice heavy with affectionate humor. There’s a drum beating in his chest where every melody is Tony’s laugh and the only answer his body has is to sing, a sprinkle of tiny, glimmering firecrackers filled with bursts of adoration going off everywhere Tony touches him.

“Just like this,” his cheeky boyfriend nods, looking completely serious.

“It’d take us forever to reach the dorms if we walk like this,” Steve protests half-heartedly, squeezing Tony to remind him of their hold around each other.

“I know,” Tony says matter-of-factly, his smile beautific in its mischeivious curl.  

“So basically,” Steve begins as gears spin and click in his mind, his grin becoming wicked with mischief as well, “you don’t want me to let go of you the entire way back, am I right?”

“Exactly, Steven,” Tony answers promptly, giving him a peck in reward that makes Steve tingle softly.

“So…you have no problem if I do this, right?” Steve asks quickly, lifting Tony up into his arms and laughing when he automatically squeaks and wraps his legs around Steve’s waist.

“Oh my god, _babe_ ,” Tony shrieks, scrambling for a moment before Steve lets his arms come to a rest under Tony’s ass. “I am both extremely proud of you and turned on, holy shit. How has this never come up before? I can’t believe this, oh my god-are you seriously holding me up right now?”

Shaking with laughter, Steve shoves his face into the warm cotton of the letterman Tony stole as he rambles on and on about the opportunities this presents and how he’s never been so glad his boyfriend is a workout addict, cutting him off by leaning his neck back to kiss Tony square on the mouth.

“I love that you know the best way to shut me up is make out with me,” Tony mumbles against his lips, and Steve can’t help grinning into the kiss, his blood sparkling with a showers of shooting stars, heart pumping out a neverending stream of cotton candy rhythms.

“I love that you can’t shut up even when I make out with you,” Steve replies saucily, closing in for another kiss to swallow Tony’s quiet giggle.

“Alright then,” Tony murmurs when they pull back slightly, lips pink and eyes bright as he looks down on Steve from his arms. “Home?”

“Home,” Steve repeats firmly, smile a permanent fixture on his face as he turns to make their way back, Tony snickering at the looks they get and waving to everyone they pass by.

He’s got stars in his veins, spun sugar clouds in his heart, a constant beating rhapsody of love and affection in his chest, and the most stunningly handsome and amazing person in this world right here in his arms; in his soul, where everything is joy and desire and contentment painted in deep-water blues and precious blooms of pink, sparkling with shiny foil stars that glitter endlessly like beacons of light to leave Steve's every waking moment aglow, he knows he’ll never let Tony go-now or in the future.

“Hey, Tony?” Steve says softly, interrupting Tony in the middle of a rant against Professor Pym’s ethics regarding scientific experimentation, his face warm and soft with tenderness that comes from loving someone with all the deepest, most inane parts of you. “I love you.”

Smiling down at him with crinkled eyes and lifting his warm hands to stroke pale cheeks, rosy and soft and equally adoring, Tony kisses his forehead, something unbearably sweet about his face as he replies, “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> i sell love tony stark juice for nothing but the price of a smile and steve rogers is my biggest customer thank you for coming to my funeral as i lay down to rest after this fic


End file.
